Super duper do over?

Wonderful words of wisdom, yet so hard to do!

I'm really not sure what is wrong with me.  For the moment things in my life are going quite well.

• Problem child employee taken care of -- check
• Dad on the mend and hopefully home soon -- check
• Interviewed successfully and got the job -- big check 

I haven't been to the gym in probably three weeks.  Making sure my Dad is ok has obviously been my priority and I have no regrets about that.  I have gone to aqua zumba, but that's pretty much it.  I'm a little stressed about my upcoming 5k, mostly because I am no where near ready to walk that far.  What I mean by no where near is that last night I dreamt I had a support dog to help me along my way.  Granted in my dream I was jogging, which means I was definitely dreaming, but after a mile and a half I was completely dependent on a wiener dog in a yellow vest to keep me going.

I haven't been tracking my points.  It was convenient when I was on the bland food diet for my stomach issues because all I ate was cream of wheat and saltine crackers.  I didn't feel a need to track any of that, especially since it was pathetic.  Oh no, wait, I was pathetic about it all.  Then I started to eat not so bland things yet kept consistent with not measuring or weighing or counting one single point.

Yeah, I've let myself down.  That's who pays the price.  Doesn't affect anyone else, minus the people who listen to my bitching about myself (Jen, Ginger, TJ ... thank you so much!)  TJ just said we've gone off the rails, but are back on track.  My reply is that for me it's more like I've been on a kamikaze plane ride.  She said maybe it's more like riding with Snoopy and I had to sadly say that I was more like a poor Japanese pilot sacrificing himself in hopes of being honor posthumously as a hero for taking a dive into an American war ship, minus the being a hero.

Can't say that anything I've done has been as noble or honorable, but the going down big with an explosion at the end is the part I have nailed to perfection.

*Just to note, no I don't think kamikaze is a noble thing to do, but if I was a young Japanese soldier in the war, I probably would.  I think it's insane, but that's also because I'm not a young Japanese soldier in the war.  I also think my current behavior is insane ....

 I have been through a rough month and I have come out on top.  The little insecure girl inside me says that it's all a mistake, someone will find out I faked my way through it, or it will all crash down when they realize I'm a fraud.

"We are strong, persistent, take no prisoners, charge Hell with a bucket of water women!"

Don't you envy the friends I have?  I do have the best ones.  They are amazing.  It's such a blessing to have people who will re-stoke the fire under your ass!

I'm going back to the gym tonight with my workout buddy.  I've missed her and working out.  After she told me we are strong, I felt strong.

We will gym tonight and we will fight hard ... and we will call it a win!

Fresh start, here I come!

 

When stress eating turns into stress eating you

I do believe I have finally learned the secret to breaking stress eating habits.  Be so consumed with stress that  you give yourself a stomach irritation, get put on a bland food diet for two weeks, have food make your stomach ache, and then add as many stressful situations as possible.

The comment I made last night was that I kind of feel like God has said “well, maybe THIS time she’ll figure out eating doesn’t fix problems …” and then rolled a bowling ball of stress at me.

It is usually these moments in life that I turn to my trusty friends, carbs, fat and sugar.  That group, well they’ve been there my whole life to make things better.  Bad day at school?  Let me cheer you up.  Worried about finals?  We’ll fix you!  Job stress?  Try this!  Parent’s failing health?  Come here, we’ll make you all better.

Pretty much my entire life, as long as I can look back, the answer to emotions has been food.  Not just stress.  Happy, sad, mad, lonely, bored.  All of them can be addressed with that band of merry friends.  Any time of the day or night, they’re there, just waiting to give it their all.

Now I find myself picking and choosing carefully, evaluating what the ramifications are of everything I choose to eat and how much is too much.  I’ve gone from eating a full breakfast and having a giant mug of coffee in a short amount of time to spending an hour sipping the same amount of coffee and nibbling egg whites and hoping the spinach I put in there is cooked enough to not feel like I ate a steel wool pad.

None of the things stressing me out have completely gone away, but I’m feeling more settled with them and I think it’s because of how I am eating now.  How strange to find out that food can help solve problems.  I feel in control of something, which is a blessing when I’m under attack with things I cannot control.  Instead of my merry band of friends, I’m finding a calming touch and an anchor in a rough sea.

While it would be wonderful to think these next few weeks will cure my stress eating habits, I know it will always be a struggle.  I’m thankful for the chance to learn though.  Yes, I could have made it through my entire life blissfully unaware of the struggles of obtaining a fecal sample, but if I didn’t have this issue, I’d probably still follow the same path of dealing with stress.  I have to change how I battle stress.  No more trying to drown it with pizza ….

The choice is mine

I have a choice to make today.  Be average or be amazing.  It really is as simple as that.

Today is a day that will shape my future.  I am interviewing for a promotion.  It’s for a job that I never even expected to be going for, not once in my entire career at the library.  To me it was the “job far out of my reach and comfort zone.”

Slowly though I had supervisors that brought me out of my comfort zone.  They have helped me see that I can do this job.  Somewhere along the way I went from contemplating if I could do the job to wanting this job.

Average or amazing.  

Always choose amazing.