Super duper do over?

Wonderful words of wisdom, yet so hard to do!

I'm really not sure what is wrong with me.  For the moment things in my life are going quite well.

• Problem child employee taken care of -- check
• Dad on the mend and hopefully home soon -- check
• Interviewed successfully and got the job -- big check 

I haven't been to the gym in probably three weeks.  Making sure my Dad is ok has obviously been my priority and I have no regrets about that.  I have gone to aqua zumba, but that's pretty much it.  I'm a little stressed about my upcoming 5k, mostly because I am no where near ready to walk that far.  What I mean by no where near is that last night I dreamt I had a support dog to help me along my way.  Granted in my dream I was jogging, which means I was definitely dreaming, but after a mile and a half I was completely dependent on a wiener dog in a yellow vest to keep me going.

I haven't been tracking my points.  It was convenient when I was on the bland food diet for my stomach issues because all I ate was cream of wheat and saltine crackers.  I didn't feel a need to track any of that, especially since it was pathetic.  Oh no, wait, I was pathetic about it all.  Then I started to eat not so bland things yet kept consistent with not measuring or weighing or counting one single point.

Yeah, I've let myself down.  That's who pays the price.  Doesn't affect anyone else, minus the people who listen to my bitching about myself (Jen, Ginger, TJ ... thank you so much!)  TJ just said we've gone off the rails, but are back on track.  My reply is that for me it's more like I've been on a kamikaze plane ride.  She said maybe it's more like riding with Snoopy and I had to sadly say that I was more like a poor Japanese pilot sacrificing himself in hopes of being honor posthumously as a hero for taking a dive into an American war ship, minus the being a hero.

Can't say that anything I've done has been as noble or honorable, but the going down big with an explosion at the end is the part I have nailed to perfection.

*Just to note, no I don't think kamikaze is a noble thing to do, but if I was a young Japanese soldier in the war, I probably would.  I think it's insane, but that's also because I'm not a young Japanese soldier in the war.  I also think my current behavior is insane ....

 I have been through a rough month and I have come out on top.  The little insecure girl inside me says that it's all a mistake, someone will find out I faked my way through it, or it will all crash down when they realize I'm a fraud.

"We are strong, persistent, take no prisoners, charge Hell with a bucket of water women!"

Don't you envy the friends I have?  I do have the best ones.  They are amazing.  It's such a blessing to have people who will re-stoke the fire under your ass!

I'm going back to the gym tonight with my workout buddy.  I've missed her and working out.  After she told me we are strong, I felt strong.

We will gym tonight and we will fight hard ... and we will call it a win!

Fresh start, here I come!