Thanks mom

My mother can be something. When I think I'm immune to her words, she does another attack and I remember once again how much hurt she can inflict. 

Some people win the lottery and have a mother who is a cheerleader, a nurturing presence and an endless champion in our fight to discover ourselves and become someone great. 

Then there is the rest of us that got something that resides on a maternal  scale between something that eats its young and a bird that kicks its hatchling out of the nest with a "well if you'd applied yourself!" muttered in a tone the displays the utter disappointment you are. 

I'm 48 and I still haven't fully established a way to classify my mother except for the generic term "bitch."  What do you call someone who's main focus is to make sure you fully understand what ever shortcoming exists in your life from her viewpoint. 

Case in point, today's interaction. She said she was going to tell me something and she didn't want me to get mad. 

"Never wear that shirt again. It does you no favors. It looks horrible and you look 10 pounds bigger."

When she finished I told her that I would continue to wear this shirt because it makes me happy and that's what matters. 

The charm of her words made my day even better. She has the best timing.  Nothing makes you feel better about sitting with your unconscious father, who's non responsive due to a Parkinson's fatigue day, than having your mother point out how unattractive you look doing it. 

I did get her home before I broke down in tears. 

I don't know why she doesn't understand that it doesn't make me mad. 

I breaks my heart. 

It suffocates the parts of me that still have hope. 

It reminds me that after all these years all that matters to her is the surface. 

I know this is her. Her issues. Her world. Her twisted words. 

At least today I stood my ground. Sucks that most of my time I feel like my ground is the tip of an eroding ice burg.