That is the standard I want to strive for. It goes along with my other new statement...
I am working hard to change my health and I am happy with my progress — me!
I was having a conversation in a Facebook group about what we were struggling with related to weight loss. I mentioned I am at the point where I have sabotaged myself in the past. I’m getting into a gym routine. I’m tracking my food. I’m losing weight. I’m proud of myself. I want this to be the LAST TIME I lose weight.
This is exactly where I need to be to fuck it up.
I have pride issues. I immediately go to the opposite side and act like an idiot. I have severe self esteem issues, so feeling proud always makes me feel like I’m a braggart and I was raised being told no one likes a braggart. It’s so ingrained in me that I can twist any complement around to prove I’m not worthy.
I was told yesterday I motivated someone I know to workout. My inner reaction was pride, then I let it turn ugly. How could I motivate someone? If she only knew the real me who binge eats in secret!
That has been the real me. It may be again. But now I will start my day thinking “everyday I am just treating my body well!” and work on honoring that.
I am working hard on getting healthy. I’m working on the physical, I’m working on the mental part, and both are HARD! Actually the mental part is harder for me. I can hit the gym and leave with my muscles spent, but this damn brain of mine has thrown many wrenches in the gears.
I’m so thankful for the support in this journey. I’m thankful for everyone who is helping me heal and reach my goals. I find it hard to believe I’m worthy of the amazing support I get, but I’m working on that too.
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