One more day ....

OK, this is major progress, I'm writing two days in a row!  Yeah me!  No, I don't get to buy myself a treat for blogging.  Blogging is the treat! 

So how did I get here?  Where is here?  How did I come from there?  Wait, where is there???  I believe we refer to that as our history.  I can do the long version, the short version (but that might leave you horribly confused) or just see what comes out.

At one point in time I was a stick.  Teeny, tiny little girl with more bones jutting out than meat on my bones.  I can still remember my first grade teacher, Mrs. Foster, saying to me when school was getting out for the summer "Karen, don't be like the rest of your family."

Now I was in first grade, so needless to say that statement confused me to no end.  I was too embarrassed to ask for further explanation, so I nodded my head and said I wouldn't.  That boys and girls was the last day I was at a normal weight.  I swear.  Cross my heart!

Between that day and the day I decided to do something, then giving up, then starting again a whole lot has happened.  I gained.  And gained.  Then lost a lot.  Then started over again.  Sounds familiar doesn't it?  Well, if you happen to be someone with extra weight.  Then again, maybe my 100 pounds is as frustrating as someone else's 3.  I don't know, ask me when I'm bitching about losing the last 3 pounds.

Last time I really lost weight I lost big.  189 pounds to be completely accurate.  I also lost my social life and I lost my ability to eat something and enjoy it.  The number on the scale was the be all, end all of my world.  Someone once looked at a picture of me at my smallest and said "body is fine, but your eyes look dead."  How accurate that was!

I was really wrapped up in what the world and the people around me thought of me.  Not because I was narcissistic, but because it was truly a worry and I cared.  My fears were confirmed when I started to regain.  A librarian actually looked at me one day, tsk-tsked me, and said it was a shame.  I was devastated and my self worth hit an all time low.

I gave up for a long time after that.  I knew I was gaining.  That was easy to see in the piles of clothes that no longer fit.  Not just tight, but "damn, why won't this pass my thighs??" tight.

Over ten years later a friend said she was thinking of going back to Weight Watchers.  I told her it sounded good for her and when I mentioned it to Michael (the boyfriend/significant other/might as well be spouse/common law husband if we lived in the right state) he said he thought it was a good idea .... for me.

Now Michael has never said anything about my weight.  Loves me just as I am, so from him this was stunning.  I almost felt slapped.  I think he saw it in my face because it was at that point that he told me he wants me to be healthy and happier, and I'm happier when I'm more fit.

So once again I found my way into a Weight Watchers meeting.  Now the fun really began!

... to be continued