I was terrified. Like heart pounding, almost drove back home terrified. This was first day of school, what if no one likes me, will I have to each lunch at a table by myself? kind of terrifying. Plus I'm 46, I haven't dealt with feeling this way in well over 30 years!
I jumped in. Fortunately it was this wonderful collection of funny and kind people. And the quickness of the humor and comebacks! I feel like the laughter lifted my soul. To laugh, to make others laugh, and to just share life's stories was such a blessing!
I grew up with the message and reinforced idea that humor means you aren't taking life seriously and life is serious business! The problem with that is my humor is so much a part of me that it's always been something that defines me. So basically if you don't like or approve of my humor, you don't like or approve of me.
Because of this disconnect I've always this feeling of being an actor playing the role of the Karen everyone else wants. I've slowly been working on just being me in all venues. It's been hard to shed the people pleaser, make everyone else happy side and just adopt a love me or leave me attitude. Last night was a turning point for me.
I don't even need a love me or leave me attitude. I left just thinking how much fun and how much laughter I shared. I laughed. I made others laugh. That energy is so powerful!
I'm so done feeling regretful for not being able to be the round peg in the round hole. I've always felt that I'm not right, that I should apologize for not fitting the mold.
Today I realize that it's not me, it's not my issue, and I'm not a peg. This issue is with those who need to have perfection. I wish them all the luck in the world, but if they are trying to fit me through that little round hole, they are wasting the time and effort!
Let them organize their pegs -- I have my life to live!
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