For the last 17 months I had the ugliest patches of dry, itchy,
irritated skin on my ankles and right elbow. They would itch so bad I
would scratch until they were raw.
Lotion, oil, steroid creams, compression bandages, antibacterial
ointments, and what ever suggestions I would find online or through word
of mouth. At one point I wrapped my ankles in gauze to keep me from
scratching and to attempt some level of healing.
The one time I was brave enough to wear sandals to work this summer a
coworker had to make an exclamation in front of everyone about my skin
and what could be wrong.
Over time I started to accept this was my skin and I just had to grow
the confidence to not care what it looked like. I was told it would
never go away and my legs would always look flaming red.
This morning I looked down to see a normal colored leg and a little scar from the now healed last spot I clawed at.
It's ok for the tears to fall now. It's ok to admit how challenging it's
been with all this autoimmune stuff going on to keep moving forward.
"Why bother" began to be a familiar refrain, but with the help from
wonderful people in my life "why bother" would get replaced each time
with "but you are strong!"
Through this experience I have grown as a person. You'd think after the
car crash I'd never question my strength, but I do! Those who know me
are used to my shrugged shoulders and "meh" response when asked to
analyze what I've been through.
The one consistent thought I've always had since very early in my
rehabilitation is that God has his reasons. I have to trust Him. Sure,
I've joked that I get it, I'm strong, we can be done with the testing,
but I know He has more to teach me.
The message that I seem to constantly need to learn, accept and
celebrate is that I am worth the fight and what I want to achieve is
worth fighting for!
Oh, and yes, yes I am strong.
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