20 questions

So for the last few weeks I have been working my way through 20 questions in the book “The Big fat truth” by J.D. Roth.  (Available on Amazon)  To give a little background, J.D. is the person responsible for creating Biggest Loser and Extreme Makeover.  Not only were the concepts his, but he became involved in the process of vetting, choosing, mentoring, and supporting the show’s contestant/selected players.  After many seasons and dealing with thousands of people, he has a valuable insight to what can help or hinder you in the weight loss process.

Pretty early in his book he talks about two BL contestants.  On the night before the final weigh in one went out to dinner with friends and family, enjoyed a moderate but wonderful dinner (and the company) and the other one worked out like his life depended on it, purging water weight and consuming pretty much nothing.  As expected the guy who went out to dinner lost.  I think it was by an obscenely close margin too.  At first he was upset and mad at himself, but then he took inventory of what he won.  He was able to live with the program and live a happy life.  Big deal, the other guy won a quarter million dollars.

Guess who still has the weight off?  The one who DIDN’T play the game…

Yep, the winner gained all his weight and more back.  Why?  His motives weren’t right for sustainable weight loss, they were right for winning the BL.

That story made me think quite a bit.  Since it’s been well over 10 years since these two went for the prize and looking from where I stand, it’s clear to see who the real winner is. Keeping the weight off 10 years?  I’d take that!

So that brings me to the toughest question for me to answer.  Other questions were emotional and brought up things I may not want to face, but that final one has slowed me down for over a week. "Because" is not a complete answer.  It took about 5 days for it to really hit me.

I’m worth it.

It … what’s it?  The work.  The fight.  The struggle.  The rewards.  The results.  I am worth it all and I deserve it all.

Working with Diablo has altered my world quite a bit, not just from a physical standpoint.  He has pushed my body harder than I thought I could go.  After what he said Tuesday night, I had to really face that food is the last tether I’m holding on with my “I can’t do this" logic.  Before I had working out AND food.  Now I don’t have working out.  Not only do I not have it, he’s crushed my views on what I can do.  I have always put the qualifier on myself of being handicapped, because I am.  It’s always been “that was a good workout …. For a handicap ….”

I was trying to explain my screwed logic to him after our workout and he stopped me short.  “Do you know why this is hard for you?  Because it’s hard for EVERYONE!  You are no different!!!”  I’ve been told that before, but for some reason (ok, I’ve watched him beat other people up) this time it stuck.

After talking to someone else who trains with him, it really did hit home.  This was a conversation with someone that is very fit, works very hard, and I’ve called “insane” many times.  I was lamenting on the fact that Diablo doesn’t give me any breaks and I swear I have seen him give others a break.  Her reply was “he doesn’t give me breaks either, he doesn’t give any of the people who can really do it breaks because he knows what we can do better than we can.  He knows who has it and who doesn’t and you have it!”

There’s that it again.  It.  I want it.  But I have it.  But I want more it.  And I will get it.  And I will let go of the past that keeps me from getting it and embrace the past that pushes me to get it.

So that’s why this time is different.  Because IT is.