Friday, June 3, 2016

Crying uncle ...



Today I quit.  Well, actually as I was rolling through the drive thru of Culver's getting cheese curds and two scoops of Oreo volcano custard last night I’d have to say I knew I was quitting.  Quitting.  Giving it up.  Calling it a day.  You know, all that stuff.

I even had someone go through a list of things that if you answered yes to would be great motivation to keep going but I answered honest no, no, no to all of them.

I don’t feel better.

I don’t feel stronger.

My skin is so fucked up I look like I have birthmarks on my ankles and the patches of dried skin are popping up everywhere.

I have no energy.

My clothes don’t fit.

I pushed it at the gym Wednesday and I’m still paying for it and reminded with Every. Single. Step. I’m. Handicapped.

I’m tired.  I am so very tired.  Not being able to fix the things I want to fix makes me feel like such a failure and I know I’m just wallowing in emotions, but that’s where I am right now.

I’m not saying I’m quitting forever … just for now.  I give up.

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