The State of my Fatness Address

The State of my Fatness Address

Dear friends, it has come to my attention that I need to address what my weight is really doing to me.  I don’t like writing this all out, denial is so much easier, but denial is what has led me here.

I am fat.  Morbidly obese to be concise.  My fat affects everything I do.  Literally nothing I do is without a reminder of the weight I carry.  

Even before I get dressed my weight is waiting for me, the minute I get my body out of bed.  The way I move, the way I shift myself.  It shouldn’t be a process to get out of bed.  Then my legs hit the floor and I think “is it going to be a good or bad day?”  Some of that is from the affects of the car crash so many years ago, but my weight intensifies it.

When I look in the mirror, I see my round face staring back at me.  The slight terror of another chin starting to lurk below my bony, real one.  Gone is the face that had cheekbones.  In it’s place I see the moon.

Getting dressed in the morning?  I feel the weight of my body as I squeeze into clothes.  Some days I even wonder “is this going to fit okay?” as I’m putting something on.  I can (and have) worked up a sweat putting my socks and shoes on.  I don’t bend like I want to bend, or at least the way I think I should be able to bend.

I’ve already dealt with all of this and I’ve only been up a half hour or so.  It’s no wonder I’m exhausted physically and mentally.

So today I’m saying goodbye to the doubt that plagues my mind.  I can lose weight and I will lose weight.  It will be a slow process with many hurdles, some back slides, and some implosions.  Basically, what I’m saying is, it isn’t going to be pretty.  It doesn’t have to be.  This is my journey and my story has never been the boring, basic path.

I ask that you keep me in your thoughts, throw an encouraging word at me now and then, and remain the amazing cheering squad you’ve always been.I also need to remind myself of this – this confessional about my weight.  It’s a scary thing to put out there, but I’m doing it.  I can do hard and scary things!  I can do this!